Private parts: No castration. No Fee. Testicle transplant did not satisfy Freeport, New York mayor. Fire chief suspended.

I know the headline above is rather strange. But this is a strange story. It’s about balls, both metaphorically and literally. 

In this case, involving Village of Freeport, New York Mayor Andrew Hardwick and volunteer Fire Chief Daniel Fee, it is currently the mayor who is saying his are bigger.  Mayor Hardwick has suspended Chief Fee for 30 days. The reason: a set of testicles. Really. 

What we don’t know is whether the cajones in question actually belong to the chief or to some other firefighter. We do know Mayor Hardwick wasn’t happy to see them exposed on a tour of the Long Island firehouse last week. The mayor told the New York Post he expected better from their volunteers, “The gesture was offensive, insensitive and unprofessional”. 

Scrotum-gate first was uncovered by a Freeport citizen who complained to the mayor two months ago about seeing the genitalia “affixed to the rear end of the rig” (as the Post so eloquently put it). It was at that time Mayor Hardwick ordered the castration. But rather than having the humiliation of a fire truck that was looked upon as a eunuch, there was simply a testicle migration. When the mayor saw that firefighters were now storing their nuts inside the cab of the fire truck he got a little testy. 

Chief Fee had no comment about his fate. I understand. This story is probably leaving a lot of people speechless. 

We assume by now you have figured the tetsicles are plastic novelty items known as Bumper Nuts (click here if you really want an up close and personal view). And, to top it off, the balls in question are blue. Really.